A Mixed-up Mashup Excerpt

As previously discussed, I have resumed work on an absolutely insane story started ten years ago. In a moment of madness, probably inspired by the tale, I volunteered to read from it for the next JAFF Reader/Writer Get Together WIP meetup on July 17th (you can sign up here: http://jaffwriterreadergettogether.org/). I'm not really sure what compelled me, but I have made a commitment, and I must follow through. The thing is, I am not the best at public readings, and this story is so weird that I really have no idea which part is best to read. The following excerpt is probably the most obvious to choose, because it kind of (sort of) explains a lot of the story, but it is also dialog heavy, and that is exactly where I tend to read too fast and lose my audience. I am, therefore, posting it here in an attempt to eliminate it from the contest. It can still be my fallback option. If you like what you see and want to read more, I am posting the story at A Happy Assembly. Please do come by and read along: https://meryton.com/aha/index.php?/topic/22136-a-mixed-up-mash-up/.

To get an idea of just how wild this tale is, I have drawn this rough map to keep track of the characters. I keep adding to it as the story develops, and I have a beta reader who does beautiful watercolor work and has agreed to remake it pretty for me, should I end up publishing this story. That remains uncertain. First, I need to see my way through this mess I've created. Enjoy!

He frowned. "You are not Miss Bennet."

"No, sir. Certainly not."

"Do you have a purpose here?" he pressed. "Forgive me if I intrude, but these are my aunt's grounds."

"You must be mistaken," she replied readily. "This land belongs to the parsonage. My father is the rector," she continued, by way of explanation.

Mr. Darcy, being rather sleep deprived, and feeling more depressed and excitable than was his custom, replied with horror, "Good God! It cannot be so!"

Miss Morland was affronted. "I have no reason to prevaricate, sir!"

"You are the daughter of Mr. Collins?"

"Certainly not! I am Mr. Morland's eldest daughter," she said in as superior tones as she possessed. "And who might you be? Mrs. Allen has no nephews your age."

"Mrs. Allen? I have no notion of any such person! This land belongs to Rosings," he gestured empirically towards the house, just visible through the trees, "the estate of my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh,"

"You are mistaken, sir!" she stubbornly insisted, though quite unsure from where the elaborate structure could possibly have appeared. "This land belongs to Fullerton, as it always has."

Mr. Darcy knew not what to make of such an assertion. He had never heard of Fullerton, the Morlands, or the Allens, and he was on the verge of concluding the young lady was out of her senses, when he suddenly had cause to doubt his own. There, right before him, where he was certain a path never before existed, came yet another young lady, elegantly dressed and of eager stride.

"May I be of some assistance?" Emma Woodhouse inquired pleasantly, eying the two before her with approval. She knew not what two such promising looking strangers were doing in Highbury, but she was pleased to see them. It had been a particularly dull morning, and such interesting persons, arguing in the middle of the lane, must provide diversion. When neither responded to her question, only staring at her most disconcertingly, she pressed on. "You appear as if you were lost," she explained, somewhat irritated that it should be necessary. "I know this country well and might be able to direct you."

"But," stammered Miss Morland, looking to the strange gentleman for confirmation of what she saw, "but, excuse me, there was no a lane here before, was there?"

"Certainly not," affirmed Mr. Darcy, relieved enough to have his own senses confirmed that he dispensed with any further examination of his measure. Other questions were more pressing. "How it comes here now, I cannot say. But we all agree it is here now," he paused in confusion, "are we not? That is something."

Miss Woodhouse, quite out of patience, spoke her mind. "What nonsense do you speak, sir? This path, or something very near like it, has been here more than 20 years," she asserted confidently, "and though I cannot bear witness to what proceeded that time, I think it is enough is to prove the path's existence just a few moments past."

Though he could not see where it led, Mr. Darcy thought he spotted solid foundation, which he desperately required, in her assertion. "Then tell me, Miss ... I am so sorry, ought we not introduce ourselves? I am Fitzwilliam Darcy, of Derbyshire, and this is Miss Morland, of Fullerton, I believe, and you are?"

"Miss Woodhouse!" she snapped, quite expecting to repress the man's impertinence. Her surprise when the name meant nothing to her companions was transparent. “Of Hartfield,” she continued, still no effect. 

Darcy saw her confusion and hurried to establish those facts he could. "Miss Woodhouse, I do not know from where you materialized, nor Miss Morland either, but I do know that this," he pointed again towards Rosings, "is the estate of my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. You can both see the house, can you not?"

"From where did it come?" exclaimed Miss Woodhouse in disbelief, but before the matter could be further investigated, an angry voice was heard approaching from the direction in which all three were gazing.

"I will not have it, sir! I cannot say how such a thing has come to be, but I warn you it will not be tolerated!" Mr. Darcy had only just processed who it was that spoke so empirically when his aunt, accompanied by Charles Bingley, came into view. The latter spotted his friend gratefully, but before he could express a word of greeting, Lady Catherine commanded his attention.

"Darcy! There you are! You must assist me. This man has put a house on my lawn, and I insist that it must be removed at once!"

Mr. Darcy stared at Mr. Bingley, who hurried, as best he could, to explain the situation. "I do not know how it may have happened, Darcy! A marvel it is, but I am only leasing the house, you know, so I really cannot be held responsible for a thing like this." He gestured behind him, where the ramparts of a second house, quite next to Rosings, could now be discerned.

Mr. Darcy, shaken, asked, "What can Netherfield Hall be doing in Kent?"

"This cannot be!" declared an alarmed Miss Woodhouse. "We all saw that it was not there two minutes ago. And we are not in Kent, but Surrey! What can be happening?"

"Oh, dear!" a new female voice was heard to moan, and the entire assemblage turned to confront two newcomers: a woman, very handsome put no longer young, and an older gentleman, of extremely dignified appearance. "We cannot live in Surrey! It is far too close to London."

"Indeed my dear, you are quite right!" the man replied. "Nothing but merchants and tradesmen, seeking to gain a bit of respectability by purchasing the mere acre or two of land, at an easy distance from their shops and warehouses. Surrey will not do for us."

"Pardon me," declared an incensed Miss Woodhouse, "but I have heard it said that Surrey is the garden of England."

"Your point is highly irrelevant," insisted Lady Catherine, not to be outdone in indignation, "as Rosings is in Kent. The De Bourghs have always hailed from Kent, and neither I, nor my daughter, will reside anywhere else!"

Elizabeth Elliot sniffed disdainfully. "I do not know what to make of this new company we have found ourselves in, Papa. Who might they be?"

"I don't know my dear, but this gentleman certainly appears presentable," Sir Walter Elliot gestured towards Mr. Darcy, eying his greatcoat. "My good sir, who is your tailor?"

A Mixed-up Mashup: Take Two

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to a new week. Six years on, I'm still adjusting to calendars that begin the week with Monday, but whatever! Be it a full-on new week or just the beginning of your work week, may it be excellent for all those kind enough to stop by and join me in my meanderings.

I'm feeling very optimistic today, which is not an emotion I have experienced in abundance recently. My daughter turned ten last week, and we held her long postponed sleepover party on Saturday. I am almost as relieved to be on the other side of that event as I was to get my first COVID vaccine (ten days until the second!). It feels like life is really beginning again, and I hate to think that some reading this post aren't there yet. The pandemic has been so devastating to so many, and while my brain is finally out of crisis mode (those of us with preexisting PTSD will be spending years figuring out the mental fallout endured), I know this thing is still far from over. May we all be on the other side soon.

I am writing again! Not what I am supposed to be writing (not ready to plunge back into the deep waters that Tales of Less Pride and Prejudice has become quite yet), but writing, at least a little, and it feels so, so good! Without any previous intention of ever attempting to turn my Mixed-up Mashup into something coherent, I have returned to it, ten years later, and I think I see a path to actually making it a functional story. In it, characters from all of Austen's novels find themselves thrown together in most perplexing circumstances. I have removed the page containing the previous content from this blog, so I apologise to those who know not of what I speak, but I have started posting the new version at A Happy Assembly. Please join me there. I need all the feedback and encouragement I can get to sort through this mess. What happens when you stick Lady Catherine and Sir Walter in a room together? Chaos. Please help.

I began writing this story shortly after the birth of my daughter, when my days were primarily spent pushing a stroller around our beautiful neighbourhood in Wilmington, Delaware. The Rockford Park area is filled with a mishmash of gorgeous houses, in a variety of styles. My more humble abode lay in a townhouse behind the Delaware Museum of Art, having been built to house workers at nearby Bancroft Mills in the late 19th century, but there were mansions in my neighborhood. As I strolled past their impressive facades, I assigned each one the identity of a house featured in Austen's novels. Soon I was pointing out Delaford and Uppercross to my perfectly oblivious infant. I did indulge a variety of other fantasies as we walked, discovering a Lowood school (a ghastly place) and a Burrow, but as usual, Austen dominated. Inevitably, I started writing down and blogging the elaborate fantasy born of these musing.

I must pause to share an anecdote. When my daughter started preschool and we met the other parents in the class, it turned out that one of them lived in the house I had dubbed Longbourn. I figured this out the very first time I met the mother, and I must have confused her to no end when I announced this fact. Despite the real concern she must have had for my sanity, we were invited to the house on multiple occasions, and it was perfect: the sitting room exactly right to suit Lady Catherine's complaints. A beautiful house and a beautiful family.

Anyway, I stopped work on the story when I wrote myself into it and simply could not stomach writing a fictionalised version of myself. I was in the early throes of motherhood, after all, and far more interested in self-sacrifice than self-fixation. Perhaps the pandemic has cured me of that, which is why I can now tolerate the notion. I almost lost myself while quashing all my own needs beneath the enormous ones of my family. I think I'm okay with indulging a little ego now, as long as I don't let it get out of hand.

Another issue with this story is I used a major plot line from it in Being Mrs. Bennet, but I think I now have figured a way out to make that work. Maybe. The story feels like it has direction and momentum, which is already more than I ever imagined for it. I'm not sure if I will publish it or not. We'll have to wait and see how it lands.

I will conclude with another plea to come to A Happy Assembly and read along. The beginning of Rocky Horror Picture Show keeps running through my head: "I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey." It's just too perfect. Maybe it needs to be in the book, too. Yes, we're dealing with that strange of a book. If nothing else, it will be perfectly silly, and can't we all use a good laugh?

Tis the Season for Swag: Giveaways Galore 4

I'm going to state the rules upfront this time, to make sure there is no confusion. To enter, please leave your email address in a comment on the giveaway in which you are interested (you may enter as many as you want), including the name of the book in which you are interested. This giveaway is only open to US residents, I'm sorry to say. All giveaways are open until Christmas, winners being announced on 12/25. In those giveaways featuring greeting cards, the recipient of said cards will be selected amongst the winners.

Now that that is out of the way, and I hope said perfectly clearly, let's chat about "said cards". It occurred to me, as I glued together the most recent batch, that the images I'm posting do not well explain how the cards are constructed. In case anyone might be interested, I am making the cards out of cards stock cut with the aid of stencils. I have been very fortunate to find many cute Christmas stencils for free at www.fashion-era.com, several of which I have used in my Austen cards. I cut the paper and glue it on the cards, which I have used the simple expedient of the household printer to emblazon with Austen's witticisms. It's a humbling hobby, but one which is all the rage witrh me at the moment. Here are images of the set just completed. Only four cards this time, and just general greetings, rather than the Christmas cards I've been offering thus far. As I explained in Giveaway Galore number 4, I made two identical sets: one on bleached paper, the other on unbleached. One of the winners of today's giveaway will also receive the unbleached set. I'm really pleased with these:

To receive so flattering an invitation! ...  so warmly solicited!

It was a delightful visit; perfect, in being much too short.

"Ha! Is it you? Thank you ... This is treating me like a friend."

"Do you not know that such a report is spread abroad?"

Two books for entrants to choose from today, blurbs courtesy of Amazon. First, keeping the Linda Wells' love flowing (those of you familiar with her very mature novels will please excuse that horrific attempt at innuendo - such banter is not my forte):

Perfect Fit by Linda Wells
(read my review here)

Perfect Fit is a modern fairy tale featuring the characters of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Billionaire William Darcy is burdened with maintaining his family’s legacy following the tragic deaths of his parents, and must also attempt to restore his young sister’s spirit after becoming the victim of Internet luring by a former family friend. Elizabeth Bennet is a popular author of young adult mystery novels. She began writing as a way to escape first the behavior, and then the memory, of a dominating former lover. These two lonely people meet at a wedding, over a broken shoe, and learn that once upon a time can lead to a happy ending. This low-angst story contains scenes of a mature nature. Linda Wells is also the author of Chance Encounters, Fate and Consequences, Memory and Imperative.

And second: 

Mistress of Pemberley by Isobel Scott Moffat

The trials and tribulations of the Bennet family continue. Elizabeth, now Mrs Darcy and mistress of the great estate of Pemberley, is blissfully married and considers it her responsibility to ensure that Darcy's sister, Georgiana, and his cousin, Anne, daughter of the daunting Lady Catherine de Bourgh, achieve a similar state. Yet Georgiana and Anne are both so shy that surely they will require a helping hand from Elizabeth, and how is she to outwit the formidable Lady Catherine? But while Lizzie has her attention on those at Pemberley and Rosings, intrigue is afoot at her former home of Longbourn, where her sisters, Kitty and Mary, and, more alarmingly, her father, seem to have all fallen under the spell of a certain Mrs Castlemain. Only one more thing is needed for Elizabeth and Darcy's happiness to be complete. But, in the meantime, Darcy is once again confronted with the shadows of the past, and Elizabeth is horrified to find that she might be turning into her mother! A charming sequel to Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

Be sure to check these other posts to enter for your chance to win!

Giveaways Galore 1: 
Sass & Serendipity by Jennifer Ziegler
Emma & Knightley: Perfect Happiness in Highbury by Rachel Billington 

Giveaways Galore 2:
The Dashwood Sisters Tell All by Beth Pattillo
Miss Bennet & Mr. Bingley by Fanella J. Miller

Giveaway Galore 3:
Memory Volumes One, Two, and Three by Linda Wells

Good luck and happy holidays!

Tis the Season for Swag: Giveaways Galore 3

How the last five days swept by without a single post I have nt the slightest notion. There is so much to share, and so little time!

One big giveaway today: three books in a single haul. This will make a truly sizable dent in my crowded book shelves, as residents of North America enter to win all three volumes of Memory by Linda Wells (read my review of the trilogy here). Just leave a comment with your email address before Christmas. Here are blurbs on the books from Amazon:

Memory Volume One: Lasting Impressions

In Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Fitzwilliam Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet meet when their personalities are fully formed. Influenced by their experiences and the people around them, they must endure a year of transformation to find their love. What effect would the sight of their soul mates have upon Darcy and Elizabeth if it occurred at a much earlier and vulnerable moment? How would this shared memory change his advance into arrogance and pride, and her sensitivity to the opinions of others? And ultimately, what will happen when they finally meet somewhere beyond their imaginations? The Memory series is a story of family, and how the love affair of one couple influences the lives of everyone around them. Volume 1: Lasting Impressions begins on a fateful day in Hyde Park when 15-year-old Elizabeth Bennet spies the handsome 22-year-old Fitzwilliam Darcy. Instead of wondering over his status: bachelor, rich, gentleman . . . all of the qualities she had been taught by her mother to seek for her husband, she saw only the sorrowful man in need. Darcy heard laughter and saw a girl and a smile. Both have much to overcome before they can be together, but one thing is certain, they would have loved each other no matter where or when they had met. The story continues in Volume 2: Trials to Bear, and Volume 3: How Far We Have Come. These stories contain scenes of a mature nature.

Memory Volume Two: Trials to Bear

The second volume of the Memory series, Trials to Bear, follows the newlywed couple Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam Darcy as they move beyond the heady days of courtship (Volume 1, Lasting Impressions). Both of them are very young, at only eighteen and twenty-four years old, neither is completely confident in their position and will rely heavily on each other to grow as one challenge after another comes their way. They will face the demons and fears of Darcy's past, and provide an example of love and felicity that influences and ultimately changes everyone who touches their lives. Elizabeth will grow assured, no longer a shy girl insecure of her beauty or worth; she will become every day the woman who will undoubtedly be a force in London society, in whatever capacity she chooses to excel. The pride that Darcy feels for her will be evident no matter how it is displayed and he will confidently settle into his position as the master of Pemberley. The story continues in Volume 3: How Far We Have Come. These stories contain scenes of a mature nature.

Memory Volume Three: How Far We Have Come

The third volume of the Memory series, How Far We Have Come, finds the Darcys with a family of their own, fully matured and comfortable with their positions as the master and mistress of Pemberley. The fears and demons of Darcy's past have been addressed, and the formidable Fitzwilliam family has accepted and embraced the unique and exceptional example of marriage that the Darcys display. Now it is Elizabeth's turn to finally put to rest the pain of her history, while at the same time influencing her sisters to grow and become women to be admired as well. The Darcys often bemuse their friends and family with their approach to addressing the many facets of their lives, however, all are quick to admit that they are better for knowing them. The story contains scenes of a mature nature.

New, these books cost more than $20 a pop, and as they provide over 1600 pages of Elizabeth and Darcy (and pretty much ALL of Elizabeth and Darcy, at that), I have to tout myself on what an awesome present this will make some lucky Janeite. Merry Chrsitmas, indeed!

Be sure to check back for yet more giveaways and enter those that proceed this one:

Giveaways Galore 1: 
Sass & Serendipity by Jennifer Ziegler
Emma & Knightley: Perfect Happiness in Highbury by Rachel Billington 

Giveaways Galore 2:
The Dashwood Sisters Tell All by Beth Pattillo
Miss Bennet & Mr. Bingley by Fanella J. Miller

All the winners will be announced December 25th. Good luck!

Tis the Season for Swag: Giveaways Galore One

I have two things happening here: a need to engage in some shameless self-promotion before Second Glances is released, and a bookshelf overflowing beyond capacity. The answer to both problems is clearly a massive giveaway.

As well a divesting my bookshelves of several volumes of Austenesque, I have also been toying around with scissors and glue, making Austen themed greeting cards. The first set of five I am giving away are Christmas tree cards, featuring seasonal quotes from Austen's novels. Though they give me cause to lament the appalling nature of my handwriting, I do think they came out kind of cute. 

So here is how this is going to work. There will be rounds of giveaways leading up to Christmas (I'm not yet certain how many there will be), and all the winners will be announced on December 25th.  To enter, please leave your email address in a comment indicating which item you are interested in receiving. If you want a combo of items, just mention this giveaway on the social media venue of your choice (and be sure to let me know about it). There are three items up for grabs in round one: the handmade Christmas cards, a hardback copy of Sass & Serendipity by Jennifer Ziegler (read my review here) and a paperback version of Emma & Knightley: Perfect Happiness in HIghbury by Rachel Billington.  I am sorry to say I cannot make these giveaway international, but finances confine me to North America. Be sure to check back as the month progresses for lots of other books on offer, including copies of First Impressions. Happy Holidays Janeites!

The Jane Austen Made Me Do It Short Story Contest - My Picks

So voting has ended in the Jane Austen Made Me Do It Short Story Contest and all who entered (including myself) are eagerly awaiting the announcement of the top ten vote recipients, amongst whom the final winner will be chosen. I must say that I do not have much hope for my entry, "Henry and Maria", as Mansfield Park themed stories seem to be at an inevitable disadvantage (and mine was the only one!), but I enjoyed the experience nonetheless and am happy with my entry. I was highly impressed by the caliber of many of the entries, my previous experience of a contest of this sort, the tales selected to be featured in Dancing with Mr. Darcy, having proven rather disappointing (read my review here). Just because voting has ended does not mean we cannot still enjoy the many wonderful stories that were entered in the competition, and I thought I would share my favorite ten (listed in numerical order as opposed to preference) before the results were announced. They are:

75 - "What Would Eliza Do" by Sandra Bellock Listorti
An amusing account of Caroline Bingley's last ditch attempt to ensnare Mr. Darcy.

71 - "Mary Bennet's Story" by Kayse L. Vernon
Romance and adventure finds a most unsuspecting Mary.

65 - "Jane, Unexpected" by Carrie Pate
An ambitious woman finds her Mr. Darcy where she wasn't expecting it.

61 - "A Most Alarming Letter" by Sheridan Rose
Highly humorous account of a series of disasters that bring Elizabeth and Darcy to an understanding at Rosings.

56 - "The Love Letter" by Brenna Aubrey
An unsuspecting man rediscovers his true love thanks to Jane Austen.

55 - "A Husband for Miss Margaret" by Alysia Mathews
Margaret Dashwood makes a most advantageous match.

44 - "Mary" by Sarah Grace Kuhlman
An epistolary tale of a deserving young lady finding love despite financial and social obstacles.

36 - "The Girls of Netherfield Park" by Marybeth Ihle
Moving diary of an orphan girl weathering WWII with the help of Jane Austen.

23 - "Carpe Diem" by Jane Greensmith
Told from Lucy Steele's perspective, a sympathetic account of her engagement to Edward Ferrars

07 - "Lifeline" by RachelP
How an unfortunate accident could have brought Elizabeth and Darcy together after the Netherfield Ball.

Many more of the stories are quite excellent (there were very few I did not enjoy), but these are the ones that made the most lasting impression on me. You can still read them all at Pemberley.com, and I urge you to do so. This contest has been a treasure trove for the JAFF fan.

Cast your vote in the Jane Austen Made Me Do It Short Story Contest!

All the submission are in and voting has commenced in the Jane Austen Made Me Do It Short Story Contest! There are 87 entries, so reading them all will take some time, but what better way to kill your free time than reading Austen inspired stories? There are only two weeks during which voting is open, so please don't dawdle! Relish the pleasure of consuming all these tales (the variety is enormous!) and then cast your vote for your favorite three. I cannot help but to make mention of my own story, entitled "Henry and Maria", which I hope some of you will enjoy enough to vote for. Quite frankly, as I took the risk of writing about the always controversial Mansfield Park, I feel like I can use all the goodwill I can muster! Read the stories at http://www.pemberley.com/bin/fic/fic.cgi before following the link at the top of the page to the ballot. Enjoy!

Dancing With Mr. Darcy: Stories Inspired by Jane Austen and Chawton House

Ever since I learned of the existence of Dancing with Mr. Darcy, I have been aching to read this collection of twenty short stories inspired by Jane Austen and Chawton House Library. Now I wish I had waited until October 19th, when the US edition comes out, rather than importing a copy from the UK. The collection did not live up to my expectations. First of all, there is a noticeable absence of both dancing and Mr. Darcy. Secondly, though many of the stories were sweet, rather than having clear Austen connections most only vaguely invoke my favorite lady. The majority of the book resembles modern memoir more than Austen. It may not be very highbrow to say so, but I would have far more enjoyed a collection of pure JAFF. As a result, I have been at a bit of a loss regarding how to proceed with this review, and have decided to restrain myself to only commenting on those tales I found superior to the rest, not wishing to turn this post into little more than a rant about which most annoyed me.

I feel I must mention the winning story from the competition that compelled this collection of stories, which is also the first in the book. Entitled Jane Austen over the Styx, Victoria Owens tells the tale of Austen's descent into Hades, where she is confronted by her older female characters, accusing her of portraying them in a negative light. Our witty, fast-thinking Jane offers no better defense than showing younger woman negatively as well, using the interactions between Emma Woodhouse and Miss Bates as her example. It's a cute a whimsical story, but it infuriated me as much as it entertained.

I much prefer the second story in the collection. Second Thoughts by Elsa A Solender tells of the evening Jane Austen said yes to an offer of marriage from Harris Bigg-Wither, following her thoughts into the morning when she changes her mind. This is one of my favorite stories in the collection, and I wish most were in a similar vein.

The forth story was quite whimsical. In The Delaford Ladies' Detective Agency, Elizabeth Hopkinson casts a mature Elinor Ferrars in the role of local sleuth, whose skills are required when a house party at Delaford is thrown into fear by a phantom embroiderer, covertly working on the ladies' sewing projects in the night.

The eighth story is called Miss Austen Victorious by Esther Bellamy. While I found it, quite frankly, a bit weird, it's nevertheless an enjoyable tale that transplants Mrs. Bennet to WWII England, where she is ironically engaged in directing a dramatization of Pride and Prejudice.

Number nine is another of my favorites: Cleverclogs by Hilary Spiers. It is the story of a young bookworm who forges a special bond with her grandmother through Austen's novels. I could deeply relate to this story and consider it one of the few masterpieces in the collection.

I really enjoyed what Kelly Brendel did with the the twelfth story, Somewhere, in which she tells the story of the Mansfield theatrics from Mrs. Grant's perspective. She demonstrates great empathy for this often overlooked character.

One Character in Search of her Love Story Role by Felicity Cowie is the sixteenth story, an amusing meta analysis of the continuity in character types. It forges an interesting relationship between Jane Bennet and Jane Eyre that is sure to entertain.

Story nineteen is entitled We Need to Talk About Mr. Collins, by Mary Howell. It is a terribly depressing story about a modern Charlotte enjoying her regular appointment with her hairdresser, Eliza, that does much to boost sympathy for Miss Lucas' famously unromantic perspective of marriage.  

O.K. Despite my best intentions, I cannot help myself but include one rant. The story that infuriated me more than any other was number fifteen, The Jane Austen Hen Weekend by Clair Humphries. All I will allow myself to say is that I would hope any intelligent woman, let alone four, would know to turn off the water on an overflowing toilet rather than let it run all over a historical home. I'll say no more on the subject.

Has anyone else read this book and felt similarly disappointed? I'd like to hear what others think. In the meantime, if you are looking for a truly satisfying collection of Austen-based short stories, I highly recommend pursuing Jane Greensmith's Intimations of Austen (read my review here) instead.

Mr. Darcy's Steeds

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Mr. Darcy must ride a superior horse. I have read a lot of Pride and Prejudice fan fiction and have come across a lot of different depictions of the animal in question. It's kind of fascinating, all the different names and temperaments, and I thought it would be fun to look at some of his more memorable steeds. So often these horses reflect essential aspects of a novel's plot. Let's take a look, shall we?

I love the name Regina Jeffers gave to Mr. Darcy's horse in Darcy's Passions: Cerberus, the hell hound. How very appropriate, especially in this scene:

Shocked, Darcy felt revulsion run through him. It was George Wickham! He was here in Hertfordshire - his former friend! The man whom he hated the most in the world stood in the streets of Meryton talking casually to the woman he found most exciting. What a twist of fate this was! How could God send him such a trial? The maligned feelings must have been obviously written on his face for he noted the surprise in Elizabeth's eyes as she observed Darcy's and Wickham's silent exchange. Wickham recovered from the initial revelation quicker than did Darcy. With a smirk, he tapped his hat in an extemporaneous greeting. Darcy's repugnance would not allow his returning the greeting; instead, he stiffened from the contemptible display and spun Cerberus away from the group.

In Abigail Reynolds' The Last Man in the World (rereleased under the title Mr. Fitzwiliam Darcy: The Last Man in the World), Elizabeth and Darcy marry after his first proposal, without establishing any kind of true understanding. The subsequent turbulence in their marriage is well reflected in the names of both their horses, which echo their emotions. Elizabeth's Pandora represents the pent up chaos of her feelings, while Darcy's Hurricane aptly echoes his stormy sentiments.

Ignoring her thanks, he mounted his horse and started off down the path. Pandora followed her stablemate's lead, which was fortunate, since Elizabeth felt unequal to putting her lessons in horsemanship to the test. She could find no relief for her sense of loss. 


He made no effort to converse as they continued their trek, and Elizabeth was grateful to see the stables coming into view. She did not realize until she dismounted at the block that in her distress over their discussion, she had not given a second thought to her fear of riding. Excitedly she turned to Darcy, wanting to share this success with him, but his back was to her. Her courage failed her as she heard him brusquely ask the stable boy to saddle Hurricane.


She could not face him. Instead, she collected Pandora's reins and led her towards the stable. One of the stable hands offered to take her, but Elizabeth shook her heard. At Pandora's stall, Elizabeth removed her bridle and found a wizened apple. The horse took the treat from her happily, then whickered in her ear.


She saw Hurricane being led past on his way to Darcy. With a shiver of something that might have been pain, Elizabeth buried her face in Pandora's mane, letting the horse's warmth comfort her.

I love this scene from The Confession of Fitzwilliam Darcy by Mary Street, in which Mr. Darcy rides a horse named Starlight to Pemberley when he unexpectedly comes upon Elizabeth and the Gardiners, leaving him appropriately starstruck:

An hour later, Starlight freshly shod, I resumed my journey. Ad sometimes happens in the heat of summer, there was a swift, sudden downpour of rain, shortlived but drenching. I grimaced as I felt the dampness penetrate my clothing, but I forgot my discomfort at my first sight of Pemberley.

Over the amber-coloured stone of the buildings, a perfect rainbow arched the sky and, in the watery light, the house seemed suspended in another dimension, shimmering with an unreal, almost magical quality.

I reined in and stared silently as a strange, dreamlike feeling took hold of me, as though the earth was holding its breath, as though time was standing still.

Gradually, the illusion faded in the sun. Starlight whinnied, and I again became aware of discomfort from my damp clothes. I rode on. In the stable yard, I handed the mare to a groom and turned towards the house. 


The I started, fo a mometn believing myself in the grip of another illusion: I had caught sight of a bonnet I recognized.


This time, it was no illusion; this time, I couold be in no doubt; this time, I beheld the beloved face.


The beautiful dark eyes were regarding me in consternation and dismay.

Perhaps Mr. Darcy's most memorable horse is Nelson, as in Admiral, from An Assembly Such as This: A Novel of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman by Pamela Aiden. The untamed power of this animal perfectly compliments Ms. Aiden's Fitzwilliam Darcy as he struggles to contain his feelings for Elizabeth Bennet.  

Stationed at the bottom of the carriage stairs, Nelson shook his head, stepping forward, then back, and generally intimidating the Netherfield grooms. His ears pricked at the opening of the door, and he swung his great head toward the sound. Upon beholding his master, he made a great show of stamping a hoof perilously close to the groom's foot and gave an indignant snort, sending trails of vapor into the cold morning air.


"G'morning, sir," the groom panted, making no attempt to disguise the relief on his face. "He's a bit high in the instep this morning, sir."


"So it would appear! He's been giving you trouble again?" Darcy frowned into Nelson's face, but the animal merely shrugged off the reprimand, tossed his head, and sent another flume of breath into the air. "You do look the veritable dragon this morning, old man." He took the reins and, declining a leg up from the beleaguered groom, vaulted into the saddle. Nelson took advantage of the lull in control as Darcy attended to the stirrups to execute a jolting dance, reminding his rider that, in the world of horseflesh, he was just as well connected as Darcy. "Oh, so that is how it is! So puffed up in your own conceit that you disdain to prectice the manners of a gentleman." Darcy gathered the reins and drew them back until contact with Nelson's mouth was firmly established and then nodded at the groom to let go his head.

The horse's excitement as Darcy allowed him to break into a stiff-legged trot was palpable, confirming his rider's suspicion that this morning's outing would be a test of wills. Strangely, the prospect was not unwelcome. The rigors of such an exercise would surely distract or perhaps banish entirely the constriction that still hovered under his heart. "Evidently, we both need the blue devils ridden out of us!" Darcy whispered. Nelson's ears flicked back at his voice, and his snort assured his master of his complete agreement

Darcy signaled the advance to a canter as they approached the fence that girdled the wide field east of the hall and set his jaw as he felt Nelson gather speed for the fence. In a matter of moments, it loomed before them, wavering in the morning mists. They thundered forward; the entire world was become only those sounds of pounding hooves and the creaking leather, and the brutal fact of the fence before them. Suddenly, the fence disappeared as Nelson's forelegs came up. His back arched, and in a silence outside of time, he carried his rider over the fence. He landed with a jolt that forced a grunt from his great lungs, but his hindquarters were already gathered for the long gallop across the field. Impulsively, Darcy gave him his head, man and beast throwing caution to the wind, flying as if chased by the Devil's own hounds.

Have I missed your favorite horse of Mr. Darcy's? Please share the name of your preferred steed!


Images:
http://www.deeannegist.com/cgi-bin/board/YaBB.pl?num=1182193389
http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/jane-austens-mr-darcy-smells-so-divine/