Thursday, May 16, 2013

Pride & Platypus by Vera Nazarian

I'm not usually a fan of supernatural takes on Austen's work, but the novels of Vera Nazarian are far too funny to miss. Having read and reviewed her previous two, Mansfield Park & Mummies and Northanger Abbey & Angels & Dragons, I kind of new what I was in for with Pride & Platypus, but the first two paragraphs still stuck me as uproariously hysterical:
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that when the moon is full over Regency England, the gentlemen are all subject to its curse.

It is a peculiar monthly Affliction inducing them to take on various unnatural shapes - neither quite demon, nor proper beast - and in those shapes to roam the land; to hunt, murder, dismember, gorge on blood, consume haggis and kidney pie, gamble away familial fortune, marry below their station (and below their stature, when the lady is an Amazon), vote Whig, perform sudden and voluntary manual labor, cultivate orchids, collect butterflies and Limoges snuff boxes, and perpetuate other such odious evil - unless properly contained.
Maintaining the absurdity of her previous works, Ms. Nazarian takes us on a journey through a very different Regency England, one filled with cages and in which status is determined by the nature of a gentleman's beast. Mr. Bennet spends his moonlit nights as a lazy lion, while Mr. Bingley is a noble (and frisky) tiger, Mr. Wickham a sneaky wolf, and Mr. Collins an odoriferous skunk (the nature of his ailment requires a particularly large cage, keeping its minders out of firing range, but Mr. Collins remains under the illusion that he is actually a beast of grandiose proportions). Each beast suits the character's personality, except Mr. Darcy. The proud man must undergo the humiliating prospect, for three nights each month, of dwindling into an awkward platypus.

The irony of one of the sexiest heroes in all of English literature taking on the form of a platypus is hysterical in and of itself, and I entered into the book anxiously expecting that this transformation would pretty much undermine his attractiveness. I was wrong. First of all, Mr. Darcy is the perfect platypus. The humiliating nature of his beast explains his extreme hauteur, his intense gaze at Elizabeth suits the creature, and his altered form is even still kind of sexy (have I shocked anyone?), if in a kind of pathetic, cutesy way:
The moon illuminated the chamber as the thing swam about the tub, paddling with its front webbed paws, in absolute dreamy silence, punctuated by occasional sneezes and gentle snorts. While elsewhere, hellish tigrine roars continued to rip the night, interspersed with occasional doggish yelps, barks, and howls from another direction, the strange aquatic creature finally climbed out of the tub. It moved, waddling like a peculiar mammalian lizard and retracting its webbed hands to reveal otter claws underneath in the front appendages and sharp heel spurs in its hi8nd legs, not to mention a long beaver tail in the back.
It helps to mention that the nature of Mr. Darcy's affliction explains the frequency with which he appears in a soaking wet shirt in this book. Ms. Nazarian is remarkably clever.

I must say something about the footnotes, having rather vociferously complained about them in my review of Northanger Abbey & Angels & Dragons. They are still ever present in this book, though they are less concerned with sexual innuendo than previously. Instead, Ms. Nazarian present dueling editors, one making outrageous claims while the other scoffs. I found this extremely amusing for the first fifty pages or so, but then it got to be a bit ridiculous. By then end, I found I couldn't be bothered distracting myself from the story with their perusal. I must also just mention my confusion regarding Ms. Nazarian use of italics, which are ratyher pervasive and usually nonsensical.

Like Northanger Abbey & Angels & Dragons, this book doesn't work quite as well as Mansfield Park & Mummies (which really is a triumph), but it is still a lot of fun. There are parts of the plot that are kind of weak (particularly in regards to Georgiana Darcy), but who am I to criticize a plot turn as unbelievable when the premise is Mr. Darcy turning into a platypus? Pretty much anything goes after that. These novels are great fun, and I will certainly read and review the remaining books in the series as they come out.

This review is my fifth for the Pride & Prejudice Bicentenary Challenge, hosted by Austenprose. Here is a list with links to my previous posts:



Mr. Darcy's Little Sister vs. And This Our Life by C. Allyn Pierson

An Unlikely Missionary by Skylar Hamilton Burris

The Disappearance of Georgiana Darcy by Regina Jeffers

The Three Colonels by Jack Caldwell

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mr. Darcy's Little Sister vs. And This Our Life by C. Allyn Pierson

 I'm not sure that what I am about to do is in any way fair.

In fact, I'm so uncertain about this review that I spent two months trying to figure out a different way to go about it.

May Ms. Pierson please forgive the following ...

I first read And This Our Life: The Chronicles of the Darcy Family by C. Allyn Pierson early in my Austenesque explorations, and it was a book I returned to repeatedly. It was listed at the first in a series, and for years I dutifully checked Amazon to see if the continuation would soon be released, until a rather disgruntled day in September of 2010 when I saw that Ms. Pierson had indeed released another book, just not the one I wanted. It took only the moment to see the publisher was Sourccebooks for me to understand what had happened. Like so many of my other favorite Austenesque novels, And This Our Life had been republished under a new title, Mr. Darcy's Little Sister (the name "Darcy" is almost mandatory in thes endeavors), with a fancy new cover, and having undergone internal tweaking. I understand this process to a decent degree, having negotiated with Sourcebooks several years ago regarding First Impressions. They offered to publish my book, but the deal fell apart in marketing, my story not having enough of a hook for their formula to work. I imagine Ms. Pierson had similar conversations, and I'm sure it was rather intuitive for her to shift the book's focus to Georgiana, as she always had a large role in the story. Unfortunately, some of the best parts of the original novel were sacrificed in this transition, and while the second version of the book is still a fine novel, I could not read it without mourning what was lost.

I actually didn't have the courage to take up Mr. Darcy's Little Sister until this year, when I decided to read it for the Pride & Prejudice Bicentenary Challenge. It had been languishing in my Amazon shopping cart for nearly three years. I knew it had somewhat expanded on the original story, and as I was aching to learn what happened next it was bound to be read someday. The novel as it currently stands develops Georgiana Darcy's transition into adulthood. The beginning is lengthened to further delve into her burgeoning emotions, but, as in And This Our Life, most of her story is devoted to the pursuit of Colonel Fitzwilliam. There are some moments of incredibly heightened drama which will keep readers steadily turning pages, but I really think Mr. Darcy is Ms. Pierson's strongest character, and his adventures are sadly cut short. My absolute favorite part of And This Our Life was an episode when Mr. Darcy is sent my the Prince regent (along with a fabulously portrayed valet who was pretty much complete cut in the revision) to war torn France on what essentially amounts to an espionage mission. While he still makes the journey in Mr. Darcy's Little Sister, we only hear of it second hand. There was also some strong and wonderful references to The Scarlet Pimpernel (a personal favorite) in the first book, and while some of this remains, it is far more oblique. I was grateful to finally learn a bit more of what happened to the Darcys in the months following the end of And This Our Life, but despite of my pleasure in Ms. Pierson's recognition by the much revered traditional publishing market (for she is an excellent writer), I can't help but wish she had self-published her original intentions for the second book, rather than just tacking a few of them onto the end of this re-branded effort. It is one of the unfortunate realities of those revered traditional publishers that sometimes, in the quest for sales, a fabulous book is altered into something more easy to advertise, but less enjoyable to read.       

I do hope, should Ms. Pierson ever read this review, that she is offended by neither my preference for her first effort, nor the gall displayed in comparing the two. The good news, for readers and the author alike, is that And This Our Life is still available on Kindle. Ms. Pierson is sure to make far more money on these sales than those to which Sourcebook claims a cut, and so I have little compunction in suggesting that this is the book that should be purchased. It's really must-read JAFF, and who knows? If enough people continue buying it, maybe we'll still get that second book someday. 

This is my forth review for the Pride & Prejudice Bicentenary Challenge, hosted by Austenprose. Here is a list with links to my previous reviews:

An Unlikely Missionary by Skylar Hamilton Burris

The Disappearance of Georgiana Darcy by Regina Jeffers

The Three Colonels by Jack Caldwell

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day! Free Books and Giveaway Winner!

First and foremost, in honor of all the mothers out there I've made both my novels, First Impressions and Second Glances, available for free Kindle download today. If your idea of a good Mother's Day is curling up with a delightful book, let me suggest my excessively pleasant stories as the perfect choice.

I'm also gratified to announce the winner of my handmade, Jane Austen inspired Mother's Day cards is:

Sophia - Elizabeth!

Congratulations! I will soon be in touch via email to arrange shipment. 

Happy Mother's Day everyone! 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Reading Jane Austen to Children

In the first few months of her life, my daughter was introduced to her parents' literary world. We read Pride and Prejudice, Alice in Wonderland, and the entire Harry Potter series aloud to her (also helping ourselves through long, sleepless nights). As she developed and became more active, her patience for such activities quickly dwindled. We had to find new ways of developing her taste in reading.

I was fortunate to be given a review copy of Pride & Prejudice: A Counting Primer by Jennifer Adams (you can read the guest post I wrote about it at AustenBlog). Here was a way for me to at least introduce the characters and themes of Pride & Prejudice. My daughter seems to enjoy it, though I admit it is not one of her favorite books (that distinction falls somewhere amongst Mike Mulligan, Curious George, and Fancy Nancy). Still, she enjoys pointing to the pictures and counting the images, especially the ball gowns that represent number 9. I have continued to search for more Austen-based children's books, and I'd like to take this opportunity to share the others I have found.

Jennifer Adams recently published Sense & Sensibility: An Opposites Primer. The whimsical artwork is again by Alison Oliver (these two have collaborated on an entire Baby-Lit series, my favorite of which is Alice in Wonderland: A Colors Primer), and the book is in many ways excellent. Along with the Pride & Prejudice primer, the duo would make a fabulous shower gift for the expectant Janeite. Opposites seems the perfect theme for a Sense & Sensibility board book, and I especially enjoy the big/little juxtaposition between Norland Park and Barton Cottage. Another clever moment comes with over/under, as well as some meat for JAFF readers, as it shows Edward riding a horse over a bridge, and then shows the horse wading under the bridge, along with the tentacles of a menacing looking sea monster. Always makes me laugh. However, the book seems to fall apart a bit at the end. The empty/full depiction of a hen house might have worked well for Emma, but it seems a stretch for Sense & Sensibility. I also could wish they did something with that most obvious contrast between Elinor and Marianne. So what if the cult of sensibility is above a toddler's head? We're not reading Austen to the child because we think its age appropriate.

I have also acquired Cozy Classics Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice by Jack and Holman Wang. This book features photos of felt dolls representing chronologically presented scenes from the novel. The dolls are adorable (dare I say cozy?), and I like the fact that the basic plot line is represented. Each image is accompanied by a single word (very nice now that my daughter is trying to read a bit). My favorite is "muddy", which narrates a picture of Elizabeth running through a field, skirts six inches deep in mud. As it is also the cover for the book, I suspect the authors were also particularly fond of this image. I must wonder if they destroyed the doll to get it. I have not read the other books in the series, but they have a Moby Dick and a Les Miserables, the latter of which is screaming at me to buy it.   

I have only found one other Austen adaptation for kids, and I am vastly pleased to say my daughter and I agree that it is the best. The book is virtually unknown, but I would highly recommend it to both children and adults. The story is The Beautifull Cassandra, illustrated by Juliet McMaster. First of all, The Beautifull Cassandra is one of my favorite pieces of Austen's Juvenilia (you can read my discussion/review and the full text of it here), and the story is represented in its entirety, complete with Austen's dedication. Ms. McMaster provides an afterword which is perfect to introduce a youngster to who Jane Austen was and why she is important. The book presents Cassandra as a mouse in an appropriately dashing bonnet (my daughter LOVES the hat!). All the other characters are also animals: the pastry cook looks to be a hamster, the coachman a frog (looks great in the bonnet!), Maria is a squirrel, and the widow is a cat (strange friendship). Eliza and I talk about how Cassandra is said to be amiable but she is really a very naughty little mouse, which I believe is introducing her to the notion of sarcastic humor. What more could one wish for their child to imbibe from Austen. I cannot praise this book highly enough. Everyone who reads this post should buy it at once and pray Ms. McMaster creates more of its ilk.
Note: Unlike the other books mentioned, The Beautifull Cassandra is not a board book.

If anyone knows of other Austen adaptation for children, please let me know! Her books are too ever present in my life for me not to attempt every avenue available to indoctrinate my child. I hope this post is useful to those similarly determined to raise their kids according to Jane.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Artist / Rebel / Dandy: Men of Fashion at the RISD Museum

I was in Providnce, RI this weekend visiting my sister, and she took me to the RISD Museum. My two year old in tow, we were making quick pace through the galleries, trying to keep her engaged, when, upon turning a corner, I stumbled upon this:


Suddenly an image I've long been familiar with, having studied it in many a book, was before my eyes! Abandoning my daughter to my sister, I excitedly began lecturing about the biographic details of several of the figures pictured in The Mirror of Fashion by Richard Dighton, a lengthy panorama fashioned in a beautiful box, made in 1823.


Turning another corner, I was confronted with a collection of the iconic ruffled white shirts and blue, broadcloth suits of a Regency Era dandy, as popularized by Beau Brummel. I had unknowingly stumbled into the middle of phenomenal exhibit detailing the image of the dandy since the early 19th century, complete with Cruikshank caricatures. What kismet!




Any Janeite who can should see Artist / Rebel / Dandy: Men of Fashion, which catalogs the development of the dandy as a product of industrialization, democratization, and rebellion since the days of Brummel. His influence is traced through such iconic figures as Baudelaire, Oscar Wilde, Fred Astaire, Andy Warhol, and Patty Smith. What an amazing testament to the cultural importance of the Regency upon our modern world! I came away with a beautiful exhibit book, filled with essays detailing the construction of satire, art, and self-expression through fashion. The only sorrow attendant on the experience was an ardent wish for time to explore the extensive exhibit and am planning a return trip for that very purpose, probably sometime mid-summer. As it runs through August 18th, I highly recommend making it part of your summer travel plans.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Mother's Day Card Giveaway, a New Book, and More!

I have so much to celebrate. Even when life is at its most mundane, I try to constantly appreciate and rejoice in my many blessings, but right now my cup runneth over in such abundance that no effort is required. 

First, the reviews are starting to come in on Second Glances, and so far they're glorious! Few sensations compare to having your imaginings bring others joy. Even more exciting for me is that the continuation's release has revived interest in First Impressions, and I have received several new Amazon reviews for the book, all excellent. I'm so grateful for my readers, especially when they provide feedback. It is for this reason I have dedicated my newest book to them.

Oh yeah, I've published a new book! No paper version this time (whimper, sniff), but you can download And Who Can Be In Doubt Of What Followed?: The Novels of Jane Austen Extended to either your Kindle now, or your Nook at any moment. This is the forth time I've been through the publication process, and each time I have a "doh!" moment just when I can't do anything about it. No, Jane Austen does not include an "And" at the beginning of the quote that I've used for my title, but the stories are all continuations, and the inclusion of the word suggests the possibilities to come. At least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it! I can't wait to receive a response on this book. You can also read the stories at this blog by checking out the designated page above (or clicking this link, whichever suits you).

Some might be aware that Mother's Day approaches. This will be my second as a mother, and the first time with a child who has any real awareness of the occasion. Inspired by the sentimental feelings the holiday calls forth, I turned to Austen, but this is one area in which her more tender feelings were seldom engaged. I ended up choosing four highly ironic quotes as the basis for my most recent set of Elegant Extracts cards, which I trust do justice to Austen's notable wit, even if they aren't appropriate to give to grandma. At the top of the page, graced with Jane's own silhouette, we have dear Miss Bates, a constant reminder of the trials mothers bear: "'My mother does not hear; she is a little deaf you know. Ma'am,' addressing her, 'do you hear what Miss Woodhouse is so obliging to say about Jane's handwriting?'" Next we have Mrs. Dashwood, being more of a friend than a mother (just like mine!):"I would not attempt to force the confidence of any one, of a child much less, because a sense of duty would prevent the denial which her wishes might direct." How do you like my Barton Cottage? I thought the peace dove, though a bit irreverent, was appropriate for Mrs. Bennet's sage advice: "No, my dear, you had better go on horseback, because it seems likely to rain, and then you must stay all night." Finally we have that paradigm of maternal care, Lady Bertram: "'What is the matter?' asked her ladyship, in the heavy tone of one half-roused; 'I was not asleep.'" I think this last card is my favorite.

I am giving away this lovely set of four greeting cards, Simply leave a constructive comment (any kind of response will do) along with your email address by May 12th. The winner will be announced on the 13th. This giveaway is open internationally. Good luck!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

And Who Can Be In Doubt Of What Followed: Henry and Maria

This is the story I wrote a few years ago for the Jane Austen Made Me Do It Short Story Contest, slightly expanded (word of advice: never enter a Mansfield Park story in any kind of competition). I decided to include it in And Who Can Be In Doubt Of What Followed: The Novels of Jane Austen Expanded because I was never able to write a satisfactory Janeicillin story for Mansfield, largely because I couldn't just beat Edmund over the head until he realized his feelings for Fanny (I find Mr. Bertram Austen's most problematic hero). This story is not nearly as happy and cheery as the others in the collection, but I think it fits, nonetheless. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

Please follow these links to read Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Northanger Abbey, Emma, and Persuasion. The entire collection will be available, I believe, tomorrow on Kindle and Nook. 


“Come along, Maria. It's rather brisk out here, you know, and I should not wish to catch cold.”

Maria Rushworth barely heard her husband, lost in contemplation of the townhouse before which her luxurious carriage stood. She had never been one to swoon, having always enjoyed excellent health, but the prospect of entering the edifice made her knees weaken and quake. Tonight she would see him, the man she had loved, for the first time since her unfortunate marriage to the oafish fellow waiting to hand her down, tottering from one foot to another in an attempt to emphasize his need for warmth – an action, like all of his, which filled her dejected heart with the utmost disdain. Chiding herself for lack of courage, she reluctantly grasped the plump hand extended to her and set forth to confront her fate.

The Rushworths, upon entering the house of Mr. and Mrs. Fraser, garnered no small amount of attention. Though Mary Crawford had only confided to her dear friends, Mrs. Fraser and Lady Stornaway, the events that had occurred the previous fall at Mansfield Park, it is understandable how the tale spread from these ladies to their many acquaintances. Miss Crawford had only imparted the story of Maria Bertram's flirtation with Mr. Crawford as a means of soothing the ruffled sensibilities of her old friends, understandably disturbed upon learning that Henry's long-sought heart had been taken, and by a lady with few worldly prospects. It was natural that Mrs. Fraser should tell the tale to Miss Fraser, as it was with this young woman that her expectations for Mr. Crawford had rested, and that a young girl of dashed hopes would keep such a tantalizing bit of gossip to herself is almost inconceivable. The new Mrs. Rushworth was quite the sensation of the season, and if that elegant lady, with her striking good looks and respectable fortune, had failed to entrance Mr. Crawford, what chance had a Margaret Fraser? And to be the cousin of the mythical Fanny Price, the lady who had succeeded where so many others had tried and failed – how much more deeply must the blow have been felt by Mrs. Rushworth, knowing that her father had harbored such a viper under her own roof, and at her own family's expense? Miss Fraser, thanks to Miss Crawford, knew that tonight would be the first time the two had met since the lady's marriage, and she and her companions were agog with curiosity to see how events would transpire.

Miss Fraser was certainly correct in assessing Maria's sentiments towards her cousin. That Fanny, of all people, should have proved a rival to Miss Bertram was excruciating. Never mind that when Mr. Crawford had fallen in love with Miss Price, Miss Bertram had already become Mrs. Rushworth – such reflections could not ease the pain of knowing that her frumpy, wallflower of a relation had succeeded where she had failed. And then to have rejected Mr. Crawford's proposals! This notion was even more shattering to Maria's pride. While she was relieved that she would not be meeting a Mrs. Crawford, her outrage in knowing that Fanny had thought slightingly of what she most coveted tore at her vanity, never previously tried until Henry had entered her life.

Maria felt the eyes of the room upon her as she entered, finding strength in the knowledge that her husband's wealth, if not providing happiness, had at least purchased the exquisite gown so carefully chosen for the occasion, determined as she was that both Mr. Crawford and the world would see her to the utmost advantage. Yet gratitude for becoming armor was insufficient in overcoming her disgust for Mr. Rushworth. No amount of money thrown away at the best tailors London had to offer could disguise the inelegance of his figure, and no amount of worldly worth could overcome the disdain that, she was certain, all thinking people would instinctively feel for him as soon as the sorry man opened his mouth to utter a word. For Maria, forced to further suffer the clumsiness of his conjugal attentions, he was abhorrent. In her innocence she had believed that familiarity and a handsome income would overcome her revulsion, but never had she been more wrong. Each day only increased her misery.

Surreptitiously, she glanced around the room, searching for the man with whom all her hopes had once lain, but she did not see him. For a moment she felt a burst of hope that he would not, after all, be present, but the sensation was fleeting, replaced by an unaccountable wave of disappointment. She would rather meet him when secure in the glory of her best looks than accidentally be taken by surprise one day. Besides, she had rehearsed her greeting, carefully calculated in its indifference, and it would be, she rationalized, a shame to waste the preparation.

“There is your brother Edmund, my dear, over by Miss Crawford. Shall we pay our respects?” He offered her his arm, which she took with the lightest touch she could contrive, all contact with him filling her with repugnance. They moved across the room, smiling at acquaintances, with all the appearance of a happy couple, or at least Maria hoped. If the more discerning members of the gathering, such as the two whom they now approached, could see through her facade, she trusted her husband remained in complete ignorance.

“Maria! Rushworth! How do you do this evening?” greeted Edmund. Maria smiled at him, assuring him of her well-being, and he responded in kind. Though the siblings were not close, they could not have lived all their lives in the same house without detecting the uneasiness that lay behind both their happy pretensions. Edmund felt some innate sympathy for his sister's plight in such a husband, but she had made her choice and must abide by it. Maria, in turn, felt all the damage the Crawfords had inflicted, and took some malicious comfort in the knowledge that her brother, too, suffered at their hands.

Mr. Rushworth took himself off to the card room, where he would surely lose to the many professed friends who found him lucrative bait, but Maria remained in her brother's company. Pleased to be relieved, for the moment, of her husband's unwanted companionship, she tried to forget her anxiety for the approaching encounter and had almost succeeded, diverted by Miss Crawford's always amusing banter, when suddenly he was there, just inside the room, greeting the Frasers warmly. It took all of Maria's self control to not walk towards him, as her body and her heart instinctively told her to. He looked just as always: that striking, dark countenance which had once seemed so undeniably plain in her eyes was now undoubtedly the most handsome she could imagine. He was smiling, that irresistible smile, all ease, the epitome of what Mr. Rushworth lacked. He must have known that she would be there, but he made no effort to seek her in the crowd. His indifference steeled her nerves. Mustering herself, she managed to turn away and focus her attention back on the conversation at hand. She stood by his sister; he would come to her.

Mr. Crawford was not as indifferent to the new Mrs. Rushworth's presence as he feigned, having immediately noticed her upon entry into the Fraser's house. It was hard not to, so resplendent was she in her dashing gown and jewels. He thought of Fanny, just briefly, and how uncomfortable she would be in such finery, and a sense of self-congratulation filled his being. He was not one to be blinded to the diamond in the rough when presented with a jewel that sparkled more, though it was of lesser value. Knowledge of his own perception could only bring pleasure. The fact that Fanny had not yet consented to be his wife did not trouble him. Her reluctance only increased her worth, especially when compared with Maria, who had proved such an easy conquest. He completed his civilities to his hosts – was that a hint of resentment he detected in Miss Fraser's eyes? – and made his way towards his sister.

“My dear Mary! How do I find you this evening?”

“Perfectly well as always, brother, so long as I confine myself to the very best company the room affords. How incongruous that it should include a clergyman!”

”Hello Bertram. It is always a pleasure. I trust all at Mansfield are well?”

“Very much so, Crawford. Thank you. I believe you have the most recent information regarding my cousin in Portsmouth, whom I trust you found in health.”

Henry frowned. “Not as well as I would have liked. I'm afraid that close quarters have robbed her of her bloom. I do not think Sir Thomas would have sent her there had he been fully aware of the conditions in which the Price family live.”

“Indeed? I would not doubt my father's knowledge of their situation, as it was precisely that which motivated him to suggest the visit. But here you see my sister, Mrs. Rushworth, to whom city life has caused no ill-effects.”

He finally turned to look at her and was shocked by what he saw, though Edmund was correct: it in no way smacked of ill-health, only imperiousness. Henry knew he had made some impact on Maria Bertram's heart, but he was unprepared to be greeted by such a profound degree of resentment. Edmund, too, was surprised by her haughtiness, quite unlike the usual manners of his thoroughly well-bred sister, and the recollection of Fanny's words regarding Mr. Crawford's former attentions to Maria rose unbidden in his mind.

Collecting himself, Henry bowed and said, “My dear Mrs. Rushworth. Marriage suits you indeed.”

Maria dropped the slightest of curtseys, saying only, “Mr. Crawford,” in acknowledgment.

But Henry was not one to be so easily put off. “And where is Miss Bertram this evening? I thought to see her here.”

“She is dining with cousins of ours.”

“I see. Please convey my best wishes to her, and my hopes to meet her while she remains in town.”

Maria nodded in response.

Stepping into this most awkward conversation, Edmund thought to return to the subject he perceived to be not only the safest, but also the most pleasing to himself, by inquiring again after Fanny's well-being.

“I really am quite concerned, Bertram,” replied Henry, with an affecting degree of worry etched upon his face. He was not sorry to see Maria's chin jut even farther into the hemisphere. Clearly her pique had more to do with his choice of bride than her own disappointment. This he could not only bear, but thought quite proper, as it fulfilled his intention of proving to the lady what sort of woman it was that could attach a man of sense. “I offered to convey her home at any time. All she need do is send a line to my sister, but I fear she will not be budged.”

“No. Fanny would never dream of leaving Portsmouth until my father called for her. I do hope your worry is unfounded. My cousin has never been of robust constitution, and the lack of exercise to be had in her family home must account for her current disorder. But do not fear. Once she is returned to Mansfield, she will be as she was, and, if my father is correct, far better for having gained an appreciation for the luxuries she has come to take for granted.”

“I cannot think that Miss Price has ever taken anything for granted in her life,” Miss Crawford said, having been watching Mrs. Rushworth with a great deal of scrutiny, and finding herself unable to resist the urge to praise the often overlooked Fanny. “You do her a disservice, Mr. Bertram. Never have I known a more appreciative creature.”

“My dear Miss Crawford, if anyone understands Fanny's finer qualities, I think it must be I, having always been her best friend. No, indeed, I think my father is quite correct in his approach. Fanny has been sheltered at Mansfield, and a taste of life's realities can only do her good.”

“I hope you are right, Bertram. While I appreciate Sir Thomas' efforts, recognizing them to have been made on my behalf, I do hope the treatment may soon be considered complete.”

“Excuse me,” said Maria, unable to endure any more, “but I believe my husband beckons me. Edmund, Miss Crawford, Mr. Crawford.” She pronounced the last name with significant disdain.

Later that evening, when Henry and Mary were able to converse more privately, she teased him on Mrs. Rushworth's account. “Never have I seen the lady so put out, Henry. Clearly, your proposal to Fanny has been perceived as a personal slight.”

“If Mrs. Rushworth learns from this experience what qualities are truly pleasing to a man of discernment, she will be better for it in the long run. I trust I have done her a service.”

“I do not think she regards it in that light.”

“No. She clearly does not. I suppose I should have expected it, but I must say that it chagrins me to see her so cold when I am used to her inviting smiles. I wonder if I cannot sooth her resentment? It will not do for us to always meet so when we are cousins.”

“No indeed. Only be careful, Henry. You do not wish to trifle with her, not when Fanny is your goal. I think she cannot have as much satisfaction in her marriage as she would wish the world to suppose, and in such a situation, a proud lady can prove volatile.”

“Do not worry for me, Mary. I know where my heart lies, as does Mrs. Rushworth. Did you note her face when I said I'd like to collect Fanny from Portsmouth?”

“Jealously does not become her.”

“Certainly not. I must see if something cannot be done about it.”

Several weeks passed in which Henry was able to enact his plans. He had thought of leaving town for Everingham, as he told Fanny he would, and while a small pang was experienced in knowing she would disapprove of his procrastination, the lure of melting Mrs. Rushworth's hostility overrode any attending discomfort. His progress, over just the few formal meetings that had occurred between the two since the Fraser's party, had been considerable. Mrs. Rushworth was easier in her acknowledgment of him, and his very judicial attempts to not mention Fanny in her presence, an act made easier by Edmund's return to Mansfield, had their effect. Furthermore, when news of Tom Bertram's illness spread quickly through the town, as any misfortune befalling the heir of a very pretty property will, Henry was quick to perceive how such ill-tidings could be turned to his purpose. As knowledgeable as he was in the workings of the female heart, he knew just how to approach Maria in the very manner that must engage her sentiments, and if the thought crossed his mind that she seemed relatively unaffected by her brother's waning health, despite her protestations otherwise, he did not for long dwell upon the suspicion. After all, she was not the lady he wished to marry, so if he found that she lacked a tender heart it was of no concern to him. On the contrary, it rather made his current activities all the more innocuous. For Henry Crawford was a man who liked occupation, and while Fanny remained in Portsmouth, he thought the diminishment of Maria Rushworth's animosity towards him a very worthwhile manner in which to ward off idleness. If such a course aroused any lingering affection she might still harbor for him, he trusted that it would cause her no enduring degree of suffering.

As for Mrs. Rushworth, seeing Henry again only served to increase her already notable intolerance for her husband, a trend intensified by Julia's relocation to their cousin's home in Bedford Square. Maria suspected the move had something to do with increasing her younger sister's access to Mr. Yates, who, having recently arrived in town, had been paying her notable attention, but she cared little for that, only feeling put out that she now faced increased solitude with her husband. His inescapable presence was agonizing, and she had taken to feigning evening headaches in order to escape his affections. This malady, however, did not prevent her from enjoying the social delights of London, where she often found herself in Mr. Crawford's company. Seeing him in proximity to her husband was insupportable: one possessing all the grace, while the other so notably lacked that essential refinement. Inevitably, her heart having long ago succumbed to the former's charms, she felt her dismissive stance towards him fade. Although she tried to maintain her rancor, she was unable to, especially when he began to pay her such specific notice. No mention of Fanny was made between them, and Maria flattered herself that her superior charms were having their inevitable effect, erasing the sad image of her dowdy cousin from his mind. Yet her triumph was uncertain as long as she could so vividly recall that it was Fanny who had secured an offer of marriage from Henry, not her eminently more eligible self. The notion that she should test the extent of his attachment occurred to her uneasy mind and, regardless of her better judgment, would not be erased.

It was when she was in this precarious mood that Mr. Rushworth received news of his mother's intentions to join her son and daughter-in-law in Wimpole Street for the remainder of the season. The newlyweds had been invited to spend time in Twikenham by Maria's new friends the Aylmers, a couple in whose society she often found the Crawfords, with whom they seemed to be on very good terms. She had thought to decline the invitation, having no wish to confine herself to a small party in which her husband's company would be inescapable, but now she saw an opportunity to rid herself of his burdensome presence. Suggesting that he should accompany his mother on her journey from Bath, as, indeed, he was accustomed to doing prior to his marriage, she easily convinced him to repair to the spa town rather than attending her to the Alymers. Her hint that time out of the city, and in relative solitude, would be just the thing to repair her health played no small part in his ready compliance.

To do Maria justice, she had no notion that Henry would find himself likewise in the neighborhood of Richmond, though the thought did flit through her tortured mind that when he learned of her intended visit, as he inevitably would, a decision to retreat from the city would be a testament to his renewed devotion. So when he called at the Alymers, not long after her arrival, her spirits soared at the sight of him. This was how it should be, Maria and Henry together, with no odious Mr. Rushworth to hinder their interaction. Her friend, Mrs. Alymer, showed no disapprobation for what quickly revealed itself to be a determined flirtation. Indeed, that kind lady dropped several hints in Maria's ear regarding the best means of maintaining discretion and avoiding censure when engaged in such activities. And so they met everyday, and for the first time since her marriage, Maria found herself not only happy, but blissful. All the high spirits that belonged to Miss Bertram resurged in Mrs. Rushworth. Only two things hindered her elation: the constant reminder her name provided that she was, no longer, a Miss Bertram after all, and the ever present, unnamed shadow of Fanny. The latter, at least, she could address.

Her time at Twickenham was rapidly drawing to a close. She had received word from her husband regarding his return to London, and Maria knew that she must be there to welcome both him and the Dowager. To shirk such responsibility was precisely the kind of faux pas that Mrs. Alymer had warned her against. Her time was running out, and though she feared the response, her heart dictated that she must know what was Henry's present stance towards her cousin. Had Fanny indeed been plunged from his memory? Or was he once again only trifling with her affections, building her up for yet another shattering disappointment, like the one she had suffered when he retreated from Mansfield upon Sir Thomas' return from Antigua? She was determined to learn the truth.

It was on her final evening with the Alymers that she broached the subject. Henry had been invited to dine and, being a small party, and one hosted by those who wished to throw no rubs in the way of their guests' amusements, it was an easy matter to garner privacy once the gentlemen rejoined the ladies after the meal. In a quiet corner of the drawing room, Henry and Maria made themselves comfortable, engaged in the kind of nonsensical, slightly risque conversation that had come to define their interactions. When he spontaneously took her hand – an impulse arising from the moment and atmosphere – the lady felt emboldened to speak.

“Do you return to London, or is it still your intention to retreat to Everingham, thereby depriving us of your company?”

“I do have business to attend to, and it has been put off rather longer than it should be, but I feel no remorse, though I know I should, for having succumbed to the pleasures of the moment, rather than applying myself to the rigors of duty.”

“Does your duty still include rescuing my cousin from the hardships of Portsmouth?”

Henry’s start was noticeable, having been totally taken aback by Maria's reference to Fanny. They had seemed to have an unspoken arrangement not to mention his hopes in that area, and it was this assumption that had allowed him to proceed in the current, diverting flirtation. Fanny need never know of it, as she would undoubtedly disapprove, and he had thought that Maria’s silence on the subject indicated her tacit agreement to not confuse simple diversion with either party's lasting romantic interests. Quickly recovering from his surprise, he replied in a manner befitting their casual dalliance:

“My offer does indeed still stand to return her to Mansfield, though I am glad that I have had the opportunity to enjoy the amusements of Richmond instead.”

This did not quite satisfy Maria. “But you will hasten to my cousin's call, should she request you to? Even if it meant forsaking your present pursuits?”

“As a gentleman, I am honor bound to. I have given her my word.”

“I had not thought your honor so dear, nor your word so unbreakable.”

Now Henry was truly alarmed. While he had often engaged a lady's affections and then abandoned her, he had never allowed himself to be placed in a situation where he would be called upon to defend his actions. It was not in his nature to verbally dash a lady's hope, and his withdrawal had always proven a sufficient end to all affairs grown tiresome. Not knowing what to say in response to such a direct attack, he fell back upon custom and evaded the question. Smiling, as if amused, he raised his voice to address the room: “Say Alymer, we cannot possibly allow Mrs. Rushworth to spend her last evening in such a mundane manner. What say you to a game of cards? That should keep us all highly entertained.”

The suggestion was eagerly agreed to, Mr. Alymer being a great gamester, and decorum necessitated that Maria relinquish her stance and comply with the will of the company. She recognized that her thrust had been thwarted, and, having never been accustomed to failure, Henry's parry only strengthened her resolve to press the point upon their next meeting. That it would surely take place in London, under her husband and mother-in-law's eyes, was of no account. Her pride would not allow her to retreat when her heart had already strayed so far.

Henry, on the other hand, gratefully withdrew to town, and upon arrival immediately sought out his sister's sage counsel. To his dismay, Mary had heard rumors about his activities in Richmond.

“I am afraid the town is rather alive with it. Society already had its eye on you both, you know, her cold reception of you at the Fraser's party having been very well observed. Such a reversal in her sentiments was bound to attract notice.”

“But I care naught for the woman, and why should mere flirtation put everything I hold most dear at risk? Nearly Fanny's very last words to me were, 'We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.' If I had heeded her advice, I certainly would not now be in this predicament.”

“She will be the making of you, Henry, if your foolishness has not destroyed your chances with her. At least you could have amused yourself with someone other than her own cousin, then perhaps the likelihood of her learning of the affair, retired as she lives, would have been very slim.”

“What had I best do now that the damage, by your estimation, has already been done?”

“I will write to her at once, asking her again to allow us to convey her to Mansfield in the strongest terms. If I mention your having seen Mrs. Rushworth at Twickenham, casually of course, it should assure her of the innocence of your dealings.”

“Thank you, Mary. And if she should still refuse, I will depart for Everingham instantly, thereby sparing myself further encounters with Mrs. Rushworth.”

“You had best leave now. Why linger, when it will only give her further opportunity to embroil you in unwanted gossip?”

“When she is under the gaze of that vulture of a mother-in-law? I think I have little to fear in the immediate future. Besides, if I am at Everingham, how am I to be on hand to hear Miss Price's response when it arrives?”

But Henry had put too much stock into Maria's discretion, as we are all unfortunate enough to already know, and rejoice or deplore the miscalculation as each sees fit. Her reunion with Mr. Rushworth – whose presence was more inescapable than ever now that his mother was on hand to ensure the newlyweds behaved as such – was precisely the catalyst she required to throw all caution to the wind. Within the week, when the Rushworths spotted Mr. Crawford at the theater, Maria beckoned to him to join their box in such a particular manner that he had little choice, not being willing to publicly snub her, other than to comply. Under the very perceptive nose of her Mrs. Rushworth, Maria proceeded to engage Henry in the exact same kind of banter that had become their habit while in Richmond, and there was little he found himself capable of doing to stop her. Mr. Rushworth, formerly so oblivious to anything that might be considered clandestine, was put on his guard by his mother, and expressed his wrath not only openly, but vulgarly, catching the attention of all in attendance. Henry retreated as gracefully as he could, but his mortification was necessarily severe. He decided to instantly repair to Everingham, a far more safe location to await word from Fanny, but the damage was already done.

Amongst the many witnesses to Mr. Rushworth’s expressions of indignation was one Mr. Harding, a dear friend of Sir Thomas'. Possessing a very clear notion of how his friend would react to such a display as that in the theater, he not only sent word of warning to Mansfield, but also took it upon himself to call in Wimpole Street the very next day. Anxious to thwart any larger scandal than that already incurred, and finding a Mr. Rushworth very happy to receive his guidance and forgive his dear Maria, he began to have good reason for thinking his efforts not in vain. The two Mrs. Rushworths, however, who proved far less manageable, shattered this illusion, the younger resenting his interference, and the elder resenting her. Insistent that her daughter was not to be trusted, Maria – proud and disdainful, but not above panic – revolted against such censure, and hastily packing a few necessities, she fled Wimpole Street for the house of Admiral Crawford, where Henry currently resided.

The very proper man who opened the door with a disapproving eye at first strove to bar the distraught Mrs. Rushworth from entering the residence, her lone bandbox an alarming accouterment to his knowledgeable eye, but Maria resisted such treatment. She would be admitted.

Henry was from home, but the Admiral, overhearing the beginnings of a highly promising scuffle, ventured forth from his study to investigate. Mrs. Rushworth was not backwards in making her object known, and the Admiral, always matrimony’s sworn enemy, saw her made confortable while awaiting his nephew’s return.

The sight of Maria ensconced in the Admiral’s drawing room and taking her tea with his mistress was no welcome one to Henry’s eyes. Seeking the Admiral, it was in faltering tones that he demanded what had possessed him to admit the lady, questioning if he knew what consequences were likely to result from his hospitality.

“Oh, yes, my dear boy,” came the blithe reply. “I know precisely what Mrs. Rushworth’s presence in my house portends, and it is my fervent hope that these circumstances may do you some good.”

Henry was all astonishment. “How can such scandal possibly prove beneficial, sir? I cannot see how these circumstances might result in anything less than disaster.”

“Yes, a disaster of epic proportions is no doubt in store for your precipitate plans to shackle yourself in unadvantageous marriage, but little else of significance will result. You may find your amusement in Mrs. Rushworth until she grows tiresome, and that will be the end of it.”

“Sir!” Henry protested.

“You did not think I knew of your intentions towards Miss Price? Come, my boy! You bring her brother forward, take sudden excursions to Portsmouth, of all places, and waste your energy in unnecessary improvements at Everingham. Do believe in my ability to put two and two together.”

Henry’s dark complexion had turned stark white at this recital. “Miss Price is exactly the woman to do away every prejudice you have against matrimony. I am sure it is she you yourself would describe … “

“There is no need for all this,” the Admiral interrupted his nephew. “Certainly the sun seems to rise and set in her eyes, but as I believe the lady to be cousin to Mrs. Rushworth, you had best resign the memory of her orbs, astronomically astounding as they may be, to your past.”

“I must convince Maria to return to Rushworth,” he desperately replied.

“Try you may,” the Admiral replied, “but I think you’ll find the lady most determined to abandon respectability, and I must say I like her all the more for it.”

Even had Henry succeeded with Maria, which he did not, his fate was already sealed. Had Mrs. Rushworth sought shelter anywhere else – with her cousins, with whom Julia stayed, or even Miss Crawford – the damage done by her removal might not have been so irreparable, but the elder Mrs. Rushworth had sent a maidservant after the refugee, who instantly reported back to her mistress whither Maria had gone. The two ladies, even in the short time they had been together, had disagreed; and the bitterness of the elder against her daughter-in-law might perhaps arise almost as much from the personal disrespect with which she had herself been treated, as from sensibility for her son. By the time Henry arrived home, a few lines of tantalizing exposure were already being conveyed to a well-known gossipmonger, functioning under the self-titled moniker “journalist”, a claim bolstered by the column bearing his name in a leading London paper.

Seeking his sister’s comfort the next day, Henry was instead confronted with the following lines from the morning paper:

It was with infinite concern the newspaper had to announce to the world a matrimonial fracas in the family of Mr. R. of Wimpole Street; the beautiful Mrs. R., whose name had not long been enrolled in the lists of Hymen, and who had promised to become so brilliant a leader in the fashionable world, having quitted her husband's roof in company with the well-known and captivating Mr. C., the intimate friend and associate of Mr. R., and it was not known even to the editor of the newspaper whither they were gone.

“Oh, Henry!” she cried, agony acute in her voice, when she finished reciting the nearly memorized passage. “How could you?”

“I was from home when Mrs. Rushworth arrived. My uncle admitted her,” he bitterly replied.

“Why should he do such a thing?” she demanded.

“He found out about Fanny and saw Maria as the best means to crush my hopes.”

‘Oh!” Mary’s face flushed with anger. “I had thought my mortifications at the hands of that man was done. If it were some other lady, any other lady, there might be hope for you yet, but Fanny will never forgive such public exposure of weakness, let alone with her cousin!”

“I have lost her forever,” he said mournfully. “She once accused me of being unsteady. Now she has her proof!”

“I am sorry it is so, , Henry, but now we shall have to see what can be made of Mrs. Rushworth.”

“The Admiral suggests I take her into the country: somewhere discreet. We shall have to wait and see what Mr. Rushworth will do. Perhaps he might still take her back?”

Mary pondered a moment before replying, “If any man might be persuaded to such indignity, I would believe it of Mr. Rushworth, but would she even go with him?”

“No,” he sighed, “but perhaps, after tempers have cooled, he might see to providing her some settlement or another. I have no wish to be strapped to her for life.”

She shook her head. “He will divorce her, Henry, and you must do what you can to restore her honor by giving her your name.”

“My dear Mary, I have no desire to be married to the lady! If she had not been so foolish, I might still have hope of winning Fanny! I shan’t abandon her – that would never do – but I’d be happy to make her someone else’s responsibility.”

“Henry!” she reprimanded. “Have you not thought what this means for me?”

“You speak of Edmund,” he replied softly, true affection for his sister illuminating the far-reaching consequences of Mrs. Rushworth’s actions. “I’m not sure you will find him any more understanding than Miss Price.”

“Why should he and I suffer for your folly!” she cried, pleading tears in her eyes.

“You should not. If anyone might make him relent, it is you, dear sister. Work upon him the best you can, and I will endeavor to forge something worth sustaining with Mrs. Rushworth. The lady does not deserve the consideration, having caused such trouble, but for your sake I will forbear.”

So the siblings parted, clinging to their last, dwindling hopes of permanent connection to Mansfield and the attendant domestic happiness both had there learned to estimate. But if Henry thought himself cornered, Maria was certainly doomed, her condition now far more akin to that mournful starling’s than when she had coquettishly invoked it, though she had yet to recognize the bars of her own cage. The gentleman escaped with his unwanted mistress into the countryside, there to spend many increasingly unsatisfying months in her company. It was not long before both detested the other so completely that a rupture was inevitable. He blamed her for the loss of Fanny, while she mocked him for his infatuation with the cousin she had never valued. If either party knew how little the subject of their dispute cared for either's actions – indeed, how she could almost be thankful for their foolishness, as it so cleanly cleared the path to her own happiness – their chagrin would have been perfectly complete.